Tuesday, June 15, 2010

If Transformers ever happens, I'll be the first to die.

All electronics hate me. I'm not even fucking kidding right now. I know that all people say that when the printer jams, but really, no joke. So after my fiasco with the truck a couple weeks ago(first the alarm clicker thingy rejected my battery and made me replace it a million times, and the damn alarm kept going off, then the truck needed a jump start), my car wouldn't start the following week. It was making this rapid clicking noise, so I had to get my buddy (yeah, same one who jumped the truck. I owe this guy endless rides to the airport and help moving for life) to cart me around. I dropped my car off at this awesome mechanic. He called me the next day and told me it needed a new battery and he wouldn't charge me for the diagnostic or labor. (Advantec in University Heights - what what!!!).

Okay, so my car died and cost over a hundred bucks to repair. Then my phone starts telling me that "This device is not compatible with iPhone" but, ummm... Nothing is plugged into it. This was ongoing for a couple of days, and after a few hard resets, my phone managed to narrowly escape me throwing it against the wall by shaping up. That's what I thought, bitch.

Then last night, after I got home, my tv worked just fine. I turned it off to go to the gym, and when I got back it didn't want to fully turn on. Backstory: sometimes when you turn my tv on, it makes a sound like it's warming up, will flash the picture for a second, then turn it off and the lights on the front will flash. It'll think about it for a few seconds, then turn on for real. Well this time it just kept cycling through. It would flash the picture for like 4 seconds, then flash the buttons and think some more. Over and over and over again. Who knew my tv was such a fucking tease. It's too bad you can't rape a tv. That would show it a lesson! So I decided to let it rest and just went to bed. Today when I got home from work it did that for about 30 seconds, then I heard a loud POP! noise, and now it won't show me anything. Fucker.

I'm an extended warranty kind of bitch. My dad always said "If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all." Well, I inherited his luck, so I pay for the extended warranty on everything I buy. I pulled out my trusty warranty for the fucker and wouldn't you know it, it expired TWO FUCKING WEEKS AGO!!! You have got to be fucking kidding me!!! It was a four year warranty! My fucking tv worked fine for exactly 4 years and 2 weeks. Bullshit. Now it'll be $150 just to come out and tell me what's wrong with it.

So I went and worked out, and when I got home I decided to go start the truck because I want to drive it to work tomorrow (part of my plan to never have to jump start it again). And wouldn't you know it, it's dead again.

Fuck electronics. I'm gonna go read a book.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Chivalry is DEAD.

I'm not completely hopeless when it comes to cars. My dad taught me to change my own break pads on my camaro when I was 17. I know what spark plugs and pistons are, and understand their functions. However, when it comes to jump starting a car with a dead battery, I'm completely hopeless. iPhone to the rescue!

When the hubby deployed, I told him I would start his truck a couple of times a month so that it wouldn't be dead when he came back. And I did it... at first. I know it only takes a couple of minutes but I'm lazy. What can I say? So after a lovely conversation with my dear father, I decided it was once again time to start the truck. I put a fresh battery in the alarm clicker thingy (hey, I never claimed to know proper terminology) and headed over to the garage we rented on the other side of the apartment complex. I open the garage door and push the disarm button. Nothing. No beep. Shit. I try the door, and it opens (thank you Jesus). I turn the key in the ignition. Nothing. Fuck.

So I call my neighbor/coworker/friend and ask him if he owns jumper cables. He does, and is home, so he drives his car over and helps me hook the stuff up. Yay iPhone!!! According to my research, it will take a while (that was the technical measure of time multiple websites gave) to charge it from being completely dead, and if you accidently touch the clamps to one another, you will not die. It will hurt badly, but it will not kill you.

So we get the truck started, and I am advised that it is a good idea not only to let it run, but to drive it. Okay, I get as far as my apartment, and it dies again. I open the hood and wait for Friend to come, and during the time that I'm leaning up against my truck with the hood open, not just one, but two guys see me and don't offer any assistance. One is the carpet cleaning guy (understandable) and the other is a neighbor who stops is truck, gets out and throws some trash in the dumpster, says hi, gets back in his truck and leaves. Okay, whatever. Friend comes back and jumps it again, and tells me to take it on the freeway. I get as far as the turn lane at the intersection outside my apartment complex and it dies there. Fuck fuck fuck. I call Friend again, who says he'll be right over. I can't even turn the hazards on because, duh, the battery's dead. So I wave cars past me who are pulling up behind me and wait. Some guy passes me in the opposite direction, slows down, and shouts out his window "You're fucking lights are off!!" I yell back "I'm broken down!!" and he speeds away. Fucking douchebag!! What kind of an asshole do you have to be to yell at someone like that?!? I was so caught off guard that I couldn't even form the word douchebag at the end of the sentence, but regret not doing so. He deserved it.

So we got the truck going and I decided to call it for the day. We jumped it the next day and let it charge, and I drove it for a bit just to make sure. Now I really am going to drive it to keep it running. For real. I mean it...