Thursday, April 29, 2010

Prostitutes and Common Courtesy

When I got married, my husband and I reached an agreement. I don't do trash. Not my thing. He doesn't clean the bathroom. Not his thing. Deal.

So now that he's gone the trash piles up until I can't stand it anymore and finally grow the balls to take it out. Now since I'm only one person, and I work full time, that takes a while. Long enough for me to forget whatever it is that I've put in there. I reached that point today (mostly because I did the litterbox and refuse to let my kitchen smell like cat shit, because that's apparently where I draw the line). I lifted the bag out of the trash can and holy fuck what the shit did I put in the garbage can?!? Did I somehow forget about a body that I cut up and threw out or what? It seriously took two hands to lift that damn thing, and I think I proved I'm not a total pussy after my day with the jackhammer at Habitat for Humanity. (Oh yeah, and that totally proves I have a heart. Take that! But I digress...) So I suck it up and start moving toward the door, when what can only be described as garbage spunk starts dripping down my leg. WTF?!? Can a bitch not even get the courtesy of a warning?? That's just rude, if you ask me... No manners at all.

Okay, one more thing to bitch about, and then I'm done, I swear. What the fuck is up with whoring it up to go to the gym?? I can understand if you're still wearing makeup from your day. I'm there at 6ish so I understand if you just got off work, blah blah blah. But seriously? Fake eyelashes??? Fake eyelashes are only excusable in certain situations:

1. Performances (dance, stage, etc) and maybe a super formal occasion
2. Halloween
3. Prostitution

This bitch walks in wearing leggings, a push up bra, and a super low cut, white (see through), v neck shirt. Oh and her head band is color coordinated to her bra and running shoes (which are pristine, btw. They were purchased for aesthetic value, not functionality). She gets on the elliptical for maybe 15 minutes, spends most of the time on her phone, then saunters back out. Are you kidding me? I'm sweating my ass off trying to lose weight and these bitches just throw up what they eat and pretend to work out. Whatever. I hope your esophagus disintegrates. Prostitute.


  1. You're killing me. LMAO. I love this. Sign me up. I want more. Your friend Maxwell Kinney at:

  2. Kat...I think I just peed myself I was laughing so hard! Fucking hilarious!!!! I can't WAIT to see you!!! :-D

  3. I don't know what to say... it's odd to read about something getting its "spunk" on my wife. Although I still think it was funny, good stuff baby!!